Sun cazimi Venus - Goldenrod Cohobation
11:50 PM 1/10/2010
Sun and Venus are cazimi at 20 Capricorn. They are sextile Uranus and conjunct the IC. Moon in Sag is very widely trine Mars.
The goldenrod cohobation yeilded a little over 12 oz, so I poured the rest into the Sun-Venus libations. This turned out to be very strong herbally and little sips are hitting me hard.
I was in an odd mood during the invocation, my mind returning to thoughts of being abused by a cult and how people recreate their abusive childhoods with some other poor sucker cast as "the child". I hope this means I'm healing from that issue, and I also hope that the work at hand wasn't tainted. My heart is opening a lot lately, and it hurts to hear about kids getting the worst treatment that people are capable of, or any person being powerless against abuse.
Since I'm looking at the intelligence of Justice with this cazimi, maybe it's quite appropriate to think about outrages thereof. I have been thinking about Karma and Nemesis today, the meeting of oneself - but not the self you pretend you are. We understand misconduct best when we are on the other side of the situation. This reversal of roles I believe to be an intrinsic factor in the Justice principle. Yet it also can be undertaken as a sort of revenge, finding a victim to abuse so that we can trade places with our abuser.
How do we make peace with a serious injustice in our past? How do we make amends to people we've hurt in a way that actually makes things right? How do we forgive rather than seek revenge? Where does taking righteous vengeance end, and deformation of character along the lines of malevolent sadism begin? Even when the guilty party dies, the pain and hatred of their victims often doesn't. This suggests that no vengeance is sufficient, not even the destruction of the person who caused the harm. What then *does* bring peace to the soul?
It's easy to rationalize actions that are unjust with ideas along the lines of purifying or improving the character of another person. In many cases, though, we are the ones who are contaminated with the violent characteristics of people who hurt us in the past, not the person we believe needs to be hurt for their own god. Victimizing a person and justifying it with fine-sounding theories can either be out of a desire to feel powerful and in control, in the way we were not when we were the victims; or it can be out of a desire to purify ourselves by proxy, by making someone else what we wish we could be; or it could be out of a desire to take from someone else what had been taken from us, whether with the idea of stealing it or just out of envy. Or it can be undertaken because we hate the person we once had been before abuse changed us due to blaming ourselves for having been too 'weak' to stop it, and someone who reminds us of our younger selves provokes the same contempt.
Passing along the harm we have suffered turns into an endless cycle that eventually permeates the whole culture. The scale on which we scapegoat grows larger and larger, first a person, then a type, then a gender or race. If we don't find peace in ourselves, the seed of injustice eventually bears the fruit of war so brutal that there is a tear in the soul for generations and we are haunted by mass deaths that rip a hole in all of our families. Is this the justice we seek? Is there nothing we love enough to protect from this outcome?
Monday, January 11, 2010
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Sun in Scorpio skrying, wine cohobation
Sun in Scorpio - Cabernet resurrection
10:52 PM 11/1/2009
It's All Soul's Day! Sun in Scorpio is closely conjunct Mercury, and both are just past the square of Mars. Moon in Taurus is full, six degrees from the opposition. Moon is culminating, Sol in the 4th.
I soaked grape ash in purified water all day, and tonight poured the water into three carboys full of wine, as well as three gallon jugs full of what was left over and two glasses of the wine we most recently pressed. So far this new wine is interesting. We added oak spirals to it, and that increased the tannins noticeably. Other than that it has no sweetness or sourness, is almost watery. Steve thinks it will age well, and he's probably right. It is a dark, opaque purple. I think it has good energy, also, gentle and dignified, and very relaxing.
I see a silver Mercury-head dime. On the back is the image of a capitol building. The gods and monuments that stand over the symbols we have invested with our wealth bless us with the protection of our national angels and spirits, a form of magic considered a matter of national pride more than idolatry or totemism yet which does call intelligences who protect our interests. Assigning states and nations birds, trees, flowers and flags is as ancient a form of tribal magic as any, no different from the magical correspondences of the planets. That something as vulgar as national politics calls the spirits of the land to its aid shows that there is nothing humans do on a large scale which is not also of the natural or spiritual world, and even as we displace spirits from their natural settings we give them new purpose in the man-made world we replace them with. There is nothing not woven of the body of God, nor nothing profance that can endure.
10:52 PM 11/1/2009
It's All Soul's Day! Sun in Scorpio is closely conjunct Mercury, and both are just past the square of Mars. Moon in Taurus is full, six degrees from the opposition. Moon is culminating, Sol in the 4th.
I soaked grape ash in purified water all day, and tonight poured the water into three carboys full of wine, as well as three gallon jugs full of what was left over and two glasses of the wine we most recently pressed. So far this new wine is interesting. We added oak spirals to it, and that increased the tannins noticeably. Other than that it has no sweetness or sourness, is almost watery. Steve thinks it will age well, and he's probably right. It is a dark, opaque purple. I think it has good energy, also, gentle and dignified, and very relaxing.
I see a silver Mercury-head dime. On the back is the image of a capitol building. The gods and monuments that stand over the symbols we have invested with our wealth bless us with the protection of our national angels and spirits, a form of magic considered a matter of national pride more than idolatry or totemism yet which does call intelligences who protect our interests. Assigning states and nations birds, trees, flowers and flags is as ancient a form of tribal magic as any, no different from the magical correspondences of the planets. That something as vulgar as national politics calls the spirits of the land to its aid shows that there is nothing humans do on a large scale which is not also of the natural or spiritual world, and even as we displace spirits from their natural settings we give them new purpose in the man-made world we replace them with. There is nothing not woven of the body of God, nor nothing profance that can endure.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Saturn/Scorpio skrying
Saturn in Scorpio: Samhain!
6:40 PM 10/31/2009
Moon in Aries is sextile Jupiter. Saturn in the first degree of Libra is closely square Pluto.
The libation is our homegrown wormwood flowers tinctured in vodka. The bottle is in the shape of a skull and I consecrated it to Death during the last Venus-Mars conjunction. It's delicious, not too bitter at all, and sort of like chamomile-mint or pennyroyal, I think from the floral contribution. The energy of it is pretty intense. In fact this invocation was harsh; just doing the Scorpio pentagrams took me from feeling great to a twinge of headache. The libation is improving that actually. I'm glad I made it, this is an unusual flavor that I will enjoy getting used to.
There is a black sea at night with green phosphorescence under the waves. Deep red shapes like stingrays are swimming underneath, each a few meters wide and lit strangely from all around. the vision doesn't progress until I get into the water, I feel weighed-down and cold and it is unsettling; nor do I see much, I just feel enveloped in this substance. I have the thought of amniotic fluid, yet do not feel fetal so much as in an alien place having an alien experience of being slowly warped. I start swimming because again the scene is static, until I see a door into an underwater cavern. Though I open the door I greatly do not like the look of entering here, like death's back door, some disused portal, very dangerous. I swim up and away from it and leave the vision. That experience was claustrophobic and difficult to interpret.
6:40 PM 10/31/2009
Moon in Aries is sextile Jupiter. Saturn in the first degree of Libra is closely square Pluto.
The libation is our homegrown wormwood flowers tinctured in vodka. The bottle is in the shape of a skull and I consecrated it to Death during the last Venus-Mars conjunction. It's delicious, not too bitter at all, and sort of like chamomile-mint or pennyroyal, I think from the floral contribution. The energy of it is pretty intense. In fact this invocation was harsh; just doing the Scorpio pentagrams took me from feeling great to a twinge of headache. The libation is improving that actually. I'm glad I made it, this is an unusual flavor that I will enjoy getting used to.
There is a black sea at night with green phosphorescence under the waves. Deep red shapes like stingrays are swimming underneath, each a few meters wide and lit strangely from all around. the vision doesn't progress until I get into the water, I feel weighed-down and cold and it is unsettling; nor do I see much, I just feel enveloped in this substance. I have the thought of amniotic fluid, yet do not feel fetal so much as in an alien place having an alien experience of being slowly warped. I start swimming because again the scene is static, until I see a door into an underwater cavern. Though I open the door I greatly do not like the look of entering here, like death's back door, some disused portal, very dangerous. I swim up and away from it and leave the vision. That experience was claustrophobic and difficult to interpret.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Venus in Scorpio skrying
Venus in Scorpio - Rose hip elixir resurrection
9:11 PM 10/30/2009
Venus is in Libra trine Neptune. Moon in early Aries is not yet opposite Venus and is closely trine Mars in Leo.
I put a dropperful of this elixir in our cherry mead, and the result is superb! The flavor is excellent. This mead is transformed into a fertile and juicy elixir, very much the hip of rose. It smells and tastes round and beautiful, and the color is exquisite. I have never had a better Venus libation, in terms of energy also - it is filling my body with the sensation of light pouring through my heart and down my limbs, coupled with so much energy in my head that it hurts a bit unless I breathe deeply and slowly to move the energy down.
"So beautiful, almost evil - you're like butterflies in my head: you made me feel alive when I was almost dead" - lyrics this brings to mind
I think that this experience is challenging some energy blocks I've had bothering me for awhile. Also during the invocation I thought of the meaning of the Hindu part of my Venus talisman, "Love is stronger than death." What I think this is getting at is that even at the nadir of our lives when we are numb and everything is hollow and meaningless to us, there is a dormant seed that starts to grow and miraculously bring us back from this, and it is love so irrational and powerful that the beloved is as astonishingly breathtaking as a deity. It is not the person who is so powerful, it is the power of Venus to trigger an emotional resurrection and make even ice or desert bloom and live again. Such loves survives also the death of the beloved, who enters the whole world and makes of creation a heartbreaking song of eternal life. It can be called redemption, and makes visible to the blind the piercing beauty of God, which halts one on one's robotic journey and gives a holy purpose through feeling. People can change in a dramatic reversal, and it is this unexpected vision of Venus that brings a second chance to the person who has hit bottom and is finally ready to let their fear go - a lifetime of crystallization is broken open and volatized.
9:11 PM 10/30/2009
Venus is in Libra trine Neptune. Moon in early Aries is not yet opposite Venus and is closely trine Mars in Leo.
I put a dropperful of this elixir in our cherry mead, and the result is superb! The flavor is excellent. This mead is transformed into a fertile and juicy elixir, very much the hip of rose. It smells and tastes round and beautiful, and the color is exquisite. I have never had a better Venus libation, in terms of energy also - it is filling my body with the sensation of light pouring through my heart and down my limbs, coupled with so much energy in my head that it hurts a bit unless I breathe deeply and slowly to move the energy down.
"So beautiful, almost evil - you're like butterflies in my head: you made me feel alive when I was almost dead" - lyrics this brings to mind
I think that this experience is challenging some energy blocks I've had bothering me for awhile. Also during the invocation I thought of the meaning of the Hindu part of my Venus talisman, "Love is stronger than death." What I think this is getting at is that even at the nadir of our lives when we are numb and everything is hollow and meaningless to us, there is a dormant seed that starts to grow and miraculously bring us back from this, and it is love so irrational and powerful that the beloved is as astonishingly breathtaking as a deity. It is not the person who is so powerful, it is the power of Venus to trigger an emotional resurrection and make even ice or desert bloom and live again. Such loves survives also the death of the beloved, who enters the whole world and makes of creation a heartbreaking song of eternal life. It can be called redemption, and makes visible to the blind the piercing beauty of God, which halts one on one's robotic journey and gives a holy purpose through feeling. People can change in a dramatic reversal, and it is this unexpected vision of Venus that brings a second chance to the person who has hit bottom and is finally ready to let their fear go - a lifetime of crystallization is broken open and volatized.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Venus trine Jupiter - The Star
Venus trine Jupiter - The Star
6:51 PM 10/28/2009
Venus in Libra is exactly trine Jupiter at 17 Aquarius. Jupiter is in 10, Venus is in 6. Moon in Pisces is approaching no close aspects.
Once again, I'm working with Venus and Jupiter simultaneously and it just seems to make me mad. I don't know what it is about this combination. I ended up yelling at Steve.
I see the star pulse over the head of the woman, becoming extremely bright and casting forth rays. Sirius, the Sun behind the Sun, bringer of the fertile flood. The land is made fertile by the mountains, which store water as snowpack and then release to the rivers as this store melts over the spring and summer. This sustains the animals during the parching time of no rain, gathering the riverwater into joyous lakes and underground reservoirs. The mountains are the givers of life to the summer, and shape weather systems as cloud break against them. This is related to migration, especially of river fish. Animals will walk or fly long distances to find the water in places it is scarce, relying on the summer flood. The mountain as the storage place of water as ice is the flipside of its birth by fire. The Star is actually The Mountain.
6:51 PM 10/28/2009
Venus in Libra is exactly trine Jupiter at 17 Aquarius. Jupiter is in 10, Venus is in 6. Moon in Pisces is approaching no close aspects.
Once again, I'm working with Venus and Jupiter simultaneously and it just seems to make me mad. I don't know what it is about this combination. I ended up yelling at Steve.
I see the star pulse over the head of the woman, becoming extremely bright and casting forth rays. Sirius, the Sun behind the Sun, bringer of the fertile flood. The land is made fertile by the mountains, which store water as snowpack and then release to the rivers as this store melts over the spring and summer. This sustains the animals during the parching time of no rain, gathering the riverwater into joyous lakes and underground reservoirs. The mountains are the givers of life to the summer, and shape weather systems as cloud break against them. This is related to migration, especially of river fish. Animals will walk or fly long distances to find the water in places it is scarce, relying on the summer flood. The mountain as the storage place of water as ice is the flipside of its birth by fire. The Star is actually The Mountain.
Mercury in Scorpio
Mercury in Scorpio
5:38 PM 10/28/2009
Mercury in Scorpio is conjunct the Desc, exactly sextile Pluto, combust Sol and square Mars in Leo. Luna in Pisces approaches no close aspects.
I see an inky black whirlpool that seems full of terrible things, blood and secrets, whispers and stains from different times which still tell their tale. I feel grief and a sorrowing desire to right what has gone wrong, to avenge it, or atone. There is the desire to explore the forbidden, to unearth what has been buried, to silence the blood that is still calling out by answering it with justice.
There are many things that lay waiting, which have been put there by terrible acts, and the spirits which form of the blood and pain released in places of destruction become a blood of creation in the other world; it sets in motion the furious ones. Calling and binding a child of murder with further blood or iron gives intelligence and purpose to raw emotion, which exists parasitically once so shaped. Then they go where there is fear. But they hate the perverting mind of man, and the blood they wish to taste is that of the one who made them.
I sense that the blood of life (sexual fluid) repels them. It creates a different class of being; being the finest seed of the body, meant to be cast forth into the future, its purity is very high and it consecrates what it touches with life. It is as sunlight to shadow and obliterates the past in new becoming.
5:38 PM 10/28/2009
Mercury in Scorpio is conjunct the Desc, exactly sextile Pluto, combust Sol and square Mars in Leo. Luna in Pisces approaches no close aspects.
I see an inky black whirlpool that seems full of terrible things, blood and secrets, whispers and stains from different times which still tell their tale. I feel grief and a sorrowing desire to right what has gone wrong, to avenge it, or atone. There is the desire to explore the forbidden, to unearth what has been buried, to silence the blood that is still calling out by answering it with justice.
There are many things that lay waiting, which have been put there by terrible acts, and the spirits which form of the blood and pain released in places of destruction become a blood of creation in the other world; it sets in motion the furious ones. Calling and binding a child of murder with further blood or iron gives intelligence and purpose to raw emotion, which exists parasitically once so shaped. Then they go where there is fear. But they hate the perverting mind of man, and the blood they wish to taste is that of the one who made them.
I sense that the blood of life (sexual fluid) repels them. It creates a different class of being; being the finest seed of the body, meant to be cast forth into the future, its purity is very high and it consecrates what it touches with life. It is as sunlight to shadow and obliterates the past in new becoming.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Moon/Scorpio skrying
Moon/Scorpio (Monday, Sun in Scorpio)
11:54 PM 10/26/2009
Luna and Jupiter are exactly conjunct in the 7th house. I saw them together in the sky tonight. Luna is more widely conjunct Neptune.
I am in a wood filled with bare birch trees and dry leaves, very stark and still. I see beetles on the ground, and then many of them, a flood, all running past and behind me. I am caught up in a swell of emotion and turn to follow them. It is then that I sink into the earth, earth folding all around me and embracing me in its solidity, and when I see again I am in a very dark downward-sloping passageway. I am alone, and I feel the danger of the place; it is fetid, not clean, the entrance to a sewer. I descend until I am in the water, still in a dark passageway. I gigantic crocodile lunges towards me and past; I think it must be Sobek, and wonder why it did not challenge me. He said that it indeed was he, and that I may pass because I have honored him (on an altar I have his figure).
I emerge in a dry, dusty place of harsh sunlight, with ridges here and there, nothing growing. There is an excavation, and I see an ancient skeleton still half-buried in the dirt. Scorpions come toward me from the empty desert, and one offers me a scroll. I take it and open it, and it is full of glowing letters that I can't read but that seem to enter me as I unroll the paper and look at it. I feel filled with power. The Scorpion says these are the words by which one may pass unto immortality.
A dust storm arises from behind me, and I crouch over the scroll, thinking that I must protect it. The dust howls all around me, and then a see a figure coalescing in it, made of dust and wind. I think this must be Set, and am in awe that I have encountered him at last - never have I in all this time. I greet him, lord of storm and wasteland, lord of chaos, and he asks if I am an enemy of Horus. I do not say yes, but instead whose enemy I am. He is silent for some time and I wait. Then the storm vanishes.
I am aloft in the air in beautiful sunlight over a green and rolling land, where there is agriculture. I feel uplifted and joyous, free. I keep rising, and rise into a night sky filled with stars, and I think it is the velvet body of Nuit. I rise until I am alone in space. I am still holding the scroll protectively. I call for Barkiel Levanael and see a glowing form. I ask what is her nature, and she says,
"The gate of Hell and the gate of Heaven. Through me, a spirit can leave the chain of successive incarnation on the earth and enter an underworld, or the realm of the stars. I am the gate past which - if one can pass - all the concerns of your reality no longer exist."
And she shows me the swirling center of a galaxy, and lets me feel the massive forces, the stars interacting.
After I come out of this vision I feel jittery and there's a sense of surreality. It is quite different from my usual aftermath of invocation. I rarely feel ungrounded when I do these.
11:54 PM 10/26/2009
Luna and Jupiter are exactly conjunct in the 7th house. I saw them together in the sky tonight. Luna is more widely conjunct Neptune.
I am in a wood filled with bare birch trees and dry leaves, very stark and still. I see beetles on the ground, and then many of them, a flood, all running past and behind me. I am caught up in a swell of emotion and turn to follow them. It is then that I sink into the earth, earth folding all around me and embracing me in its solidity, and when I see again I am in a very dark downward-sloping passageway. I am alone, and I feel the danger of the place; it is fetid, not clean, the entrance to a sewer. I descend until I am in the water, still in a dark passageway. I gigantic crocodile lunges towards me and past; I think it must be Sobek, and wonder why it did not challenge me. He said that it indeed was he, and that I may pass because I have honored him (on an altar I have his figure).
I emerge in a dry, dusty place of harsh sunlight, with ridges here and there, nothing growing. There is an excavation, and I see an ancient skeleton still half-buried in the dirt. Scorpions come toward me from the empty desert, and one offers me a scroll. I take it and open it, and it is full of glowing letters that I can't read but that seem to enter me as I unroll the paper and look at it. I feel filled with power. The Scorpion says these are the words by which one may pass unto immortality.
A dust storm arises from behind me, and I crouch over the scroll, thinking that I must protect it. The dust howls all around me, and then a see a figure coalescing in it, made of dust and wind. I think this must be Set, and am in awe that I have encountered him at last - never have I in all this time. I greet him, lord of storm and wasteland, lord of chaos, and he asks if I am an enemy of Horus. I do not say yes, but instead whose enemy I am. He is silent for some time and I wait. Then the storm vanishes.
I am aloft in the air in beautiful sunlight over a green and rolling land, where there is agriculture. I feel uplifted and joyous, free. I keep rising, and rise into a night sky filled with stars, and I think it is the velvet body of Nuit. I rise until I am alone in space. I am still holding the scroll protectively. I call for Barkiel Levanael and see a glowing form. I ask what is her nature, and she says,
"The gate of Hell and the gate of Heaven. Through me, a spirit can leave the chain of successive incarnation on the earth and enter an underworld, or the realm of the stars. I am the gate past which - if one can pass - all the concerns of your reality no longer exist."
And she shows me the swirling center of a galaxy, and lets me feel the massive forces, the stars interacting.
After I come out of this vision I feel jittery and there's a sense of surreality. It is quite different from my usual aftermath of invocation. I rarely feel ungrounded when I do these.
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